Time for Change

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not superwoman.  I simply cannot be the perfect doctor, mother, wife, daughter and friend that everyone needs me to be.  Therefore, I’ve decided to stop writing this blog for a while.  As much as I’ve enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you over the past four years, it’s time for me to take a break.  During the last twenty-four hours, I nearly lost my daughter, my marriage and my own life.  If I don’t straighten things out now, I’m afraid I’ll destroy everything I worked so hard to achieve.  The truth is the person I’ve become is one I’m not proud of being.  It’s time for a change and it all starts now.  But before I say goodbye, there’s one more thing you need to know…

Our First House

We bought our first house.  I fell in the love with the only one I saw and we’re moving in tomorrow.  There’s so much to learn about owning a home, but I can’t wait to get started.  The first thing I have to do is call the utility companies and set up my services.  We’re supposed to get hit with the worst snow storm of the year tomorrow and I don’t even own a shovel.  I need to figure out how the thermostat works and have Patrick get wood for the fire.  I don’t have much time, so I’m going to pack my things in a few boxes and shove the rest in my car.  It’s a lot to take care of all at once, but I’m looking forward to making my first house feel like home. 

A Bigger Place

I want my own house.  The walls of this apartment are closing in on me and I can’t breathe.  Despite what Patrick thinks, I’m not having a nervous breakdown.  I’m just frustrated by the fact that there’s no room to put anything.  My daughter sleeps in a closet and her things are strewn all over the place because I can’t put them away.  Patrick and I are constantly bumping into each other and it aggravates me.  It’s obvious that living here is only causing more stress, but I know once we move life will get easier. 

The Way It Is

Patrick wants things to go back to the way they were before Emma was born, but I’m not ready for sex.  Romantic gestures are the furthest thought from my mind and no fancy lingerie is going to put me in the mood.  I’m sorry if Patrick doesn’t like it, but that’s the way it is.  My first priority is to my daughter and I can’t concern myself with fulfilling Patrick’s needs.  Emma deserves my undivided attention right now, and I just don’t have time for anything else.

A Mother's Concern

After Sonny stopped by to visit Emma, I started thinking about Michael’s accident all over again.  What if I can’t keep Emma safe?  What if I brought my daughter into this world only to lose her?  Sometimes I wonder whether or not it was selfish of me to want a child in the first place.  Patrick thinks I’m overreacting, but Emma is our daughter.  From the moment she was born, I knew I’d worry about her for the rest of my life.  I don’t expect Patrick to understand how I’m feeling, but would a little compassion be too much to ask?